I still believe in God. I still believe He is good. I still believe He heals.
This is not easy theology.
I believe that one day God will heal me. I still make plans as though I will have lupus tomorrow. And next week.
I am bombarded by well-meaning Christians who say words like, "You just need to believe for your healing," or, "Just have faith," and then they start reciting Bible passages about healing. I know them all by heart. And I believe every single one of them...I still have lupus.
Where is my faith?
It takes faith to believe God is good when the doctor's report is so bad.
It takes faith to get up in the morning and go to work when it's hard to move.
It takes faith to make plans with friends when my last lupus flare is in the forefront of my memory.
It takes faith to accept an invitation to perform and to practice the piano when my hands hurt.
It takes faith to give to someone in need after another medical bill comes in the mail.
It takes faith to pray for someone to receive a miracle when I am waiting for one of my own. I might add that it takes an extraordinary love to celebrate with others when I see God answer my prayers for them while I am--in faith--patiently holding on to God's promises for my own life.
It takes faith to dream God-sized dreams when I barely have the strength to carry a laundry-sized load.
It takes faith to not give up when life is so hard.
It is not a lack of faith to plan as though I will have lupus in the future. It is an act of faith to live with the belief that I have a future.
I have faith that can move mountains. How do I know? I watch God move my mountains everyday.
There is a chapter in the Bible that has been nicknamed "The Faith Chapter" (Hebrews 11). It tells story after story of people across history whose lives give a picture of faith. There are stories of great victories, miracles, and heroic acts. But there are also stories that did not end so well. In the great chapter of faith, some stories end with pain and death. Even in the happiest of endings, no story is without hardship and struggle. My favorite characters in the chapter are actually anonymous. All that is said of them is that they "were made strong out of weakness." That is what my life looks like. That is what the bulk of the miracles I see everyday look like.
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
(2 Corinthians 12: 9-10)
It takes faith to dream God-sized dreams when I barely have the strength to carry a laundry-sized load.
It takes faith to not give up when life is so hard.
It is not a lack of faith to plan as though I will have lupus in the future. It is an act of faith to live with the belief that I have a future.
I have faith that can move mountains. How do I know? I watch God move my mountains everyday.
There is a chapter in the Bible that has been nicknamed "The Faith Chapter" (Hebrews 11). It tells story after story of people across history whose lives give a picture of faith. There are stories of great victories, miracles, and heroic acts. But there are also stories that did not end so well. In the great chapter of faith, some stories end with pain and death. Even in the happiest of endings, no story is without hardship and struggle. My favorite characters in the chapter are actually anonymous. All that is said of them is that they "were made strong out of weakness." That is what my life looks like. That is what the bulk of the miracles I see everyday look like.
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
(2 Corinthians 12: 9-10)
Awesome, awesome post! I am so glad I have been searching for more people with lupus for support because right now I need it more than ever and the fact that you included this post on faith just put me more at ease! Thank you! You have a new friend praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers. I will be praying for you as well!
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