This is a follow-up to a little piece I wrote last week about how I arrange the pieces of my life with lupus. (You can read it here.) I am full of dreams and a purpose to wake up every morning. Lupus didn't change that. But lupus did make my life harder. I can't leave anything to chance. I have to live on purpose. From the moment I wake up, I have to live intentionally and use whatever strength and time I have wisely. So what does living on purpose look like?
Pick a system that works best for you...
...not necessarily what works best for someone else. People use to make fun of me. Ok, they still do. Especially since I'm a pen and paper person. Not a calendar-on-my-smartphone person. Whenever I pull out my planner, people say things like, "I can't believe you have an old school calendar with paper! You're so behind!" But I'm not. When I have a task to accomplish (or two or a few dozen), I stay ahead and rarely get behind. And even when I get behind, I know exactly what I need to do to get back on track. The people in my life know they can always depend on me no matter what life brings my way. It works for me and it works for the people who depend on me. And when life changes, my system changes. Do what works for you. It's your life. You're the one who has to manage it.
Be realistic about goals and deadlines.
Give yourself deadlines. It can be really hard to motivate yourself to get something done if you don't have a deadline. As much as possible, create weekly deadlines, not daily deadlines. You never know what kind of emergency a day will hold, so weekly deadlines allow for some margin in life. Just make sure to not procrastinate until the end of the week! This brings me to my next point...
Don't assume you will have time to complete something "later."
Don't procrastinate because "later" may not come. If you have time and energy to do it now, do it now. I recently had a flare because I forgot to take my meds. It's rare that I forget, but it happens. The good thing is that I didn't have anything pressing because I was diligent to work hard in the beginning of my week. So when the flare came, I had the freedom to spend a day on the couch. If I had procrastinated, I would have had to choose between neglecting my business and getting the rest I need or taking care of my business and hurting my body. Because I didn't procrastinate, that is not a choice I needed to make and I was even able to participate in a couple of social events over the weekend.
Note: If you don't have time to complete what you wanted when you wanted, don't just put it off for an unspecified "later" or beat yourself up with guilt. Neither of those options is productive. Instead, get proactive AND give yourself grace. Make the adjustments necessary to get it done. Readjust and figure out when you can do it.
Prioritize what is important.
When I'm having a lupus flare, sometimes dishes and laundry need to take a back seat to family time. Sometimes one project must give way for another project. Sometimes one dream must temporarily give way for a bigger dream. When I'm so sick and in need of some extra rest, I can often talk to my boss and ask, "What do you need me here for the most? What can I miss without causing the group to suffer?" When I ask questions like this, my superiors have the assurance that I won't drop the ball on what needs to happen, and I have the assurance that I am not putting my well-being on the line for my job.
Plan for imperfection, flares, rough days, emergencies, etc.
If you plan for a life that is always smooth, always perfect, always easy, then you are planning for something that isn't real and setting yourself up for discouragement. Life is messy and unpredictable. Expect it to be.
Create momentum.
When you feel overwhelmed, start with small tasks to get a feeling of accomplishment and create momentum. Some people like the opposite method: Complete the largest tasks first so the remaining tasks seem less daunting. Either way, start with something and shrink your to-do list.
Pray.
People tell me that I am so strong and full of energy. I'm not. Lupus makes me weak. Very weak. I feel like a walking billboard for the passage in the Bible where God said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness," and the apostle Paul said, "For when I am weak, then I am strong," (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). So when my body hurts so much that I don't see how I can possibly get out of bed, I pray. When I am overwhelmed with a to-do list that is ever growing or a task that is way bigger than me, I pray. When I am terrified that I may fail (or feel like I am in the midst of failing), I pray. When I am overwhelmed and feel like I am drowning, I pray. And I have never regretted a single prayer. This can seem like it's too simplistic, like a waste of time, even completely unrelated. But for me, prayer is the most important thing I can do all day. So what kind of things can you pray for? Pray for God to lead your steps, even when the way seems dark. Pray for God to help you be productive and efficient as you begin each task. Pray for the ability to accomplish what needs to be done. Pray for strength, for resources, for joy.
These are practices and principles I chose to live by even before I had lupus. And honestly, I don't think it would be possible for me to accomplish anything today if I didn't choose to live this way. It's not something I decided on a whim and mastered in a day. It was a long process that took years. And I'm still learning and messing up. But I'm a lot farther along than when I started. So I would encourage you to start the process of arranging the pieces of your life. You'll have days that feel like wins and days that feel like failures. But don't give up. You have one life. Live it on purpose.
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