Once upon a time, there was a girl with long hair...

I used to have long hair. It was beautiful. It made me feel beautiful.

...But then lupus happened. Discoid rashes on my scalp caused my hair to fall out in clumps. I still had the hair on the top of my head, so I got a haircut to try to hide the bald spots underneath. As my life was dramatically changing, a dramatic haircut seemed appropriate. (Thank you, Robin @ Moda Salon!)

After starting treatment, more hair fell out. I had a total hair loss of about 50%. As a woman, losing my hair was very emotional, often humiliating. I could push through the physical pain and even feel like I could conquer the world. But every time I saw myself in the mirror, it was a harsh reminder that I was sick. I like to think that I'm a positive person, but it was hard to be positive. I felt ugly and less feminine. I felt like a freak. For months, I never left home without a hat. I wanted to hide.

I didn't feel like I looked beautiful, but I made a choice to BE beautiful. I may have lost my hair, but I could still smile and laugh. I could still tell stories and play music. Even still, with all of the dramatic changes that lupus brought to my life, I wanted to hold onto as much of my hair as I could. But I realized I was holding on just to hold on. It was time to let go and move forward. So when my hair started to grow back in the empty spots of my scalp, I was inspired by Anne Hathaway in Les Mis and made a bold decision to chop it all off and start over.

Today (about 9 months after the diagnosis) I'm slowly growing my hair out again, but I'm fully aware that at any moment, it can fall out and I'll be back to a pixie cut...and I'm okay with that.  Hair grows back. My life is still good.  I can still be beautiful.

Thanks to Chad @ Moda Salon for the pixie haircut and convincing me to not buy a wig. Thanks also to my husband for telling me I'm beautiful everyday.