In my earlier posts on this subject of giving encouragement, I've focused on things that need to always be kept in mind when it comes to your relationship with a person with a chronic illness. In fact, some of my advice could have just as easily been for a post titled, "How To Not Discourage Someone With A Chronic Illness." This final "chapter" of the series is the fun one. At least, I think it is. The first three parts (you can check them out here, here, and here) were definitely much more intense to write. But this fun one's for those of you who want to go the extra mile and do something.
9. Do something tangible.
The sky's the limit with this one. This list is nowhere near comprehensive. But I hope that it gets your creative juices flowing. :)
Hugs...but only if you're not sick! If you are sick, just say, "I'd give you a hug, but I'm sick and don't want to pass it on to you." (Btw, if it's flu season, please don't be offended if they back away from a hug. Also, you might want to first ask if a hug would be okay. They may not be a hugger. And even if they are, they might need a chance to warn you that they're hurting a little extra that day and need a gentler hug.)
Bring them some coffee or food - homemade or store bought. I'm not the type of person who asks for stuff like this, but if you offer, I might just take you up on it! Make sure to ask them if they have any dietary restrictions first. :)
Invite them over to your house for a meal. My husband and I live far away from our familes. So when I was first diagnosed with lupus, it was a huge blessing when people invited us over for a meal. It gave us one less meal to worry about during a very overwhelming time. It was also so wonderful to be able to be with other people. The months leading to diagnosis were difficult, and having a social life was not possible. So these post-diagnosis meals were very special and I don't think I will ever forget any of them.
Offer to help with a chore or errand. Doing dishes, shoveling snow, raking, cleaning, laundry...I think you get the idea. Living with a chronic illness is hard work! Sometimes, getting stuff done around the house or running to the store can feel like too much when you're just trying to get through the day-to-day. And it's really easy for the discouragement to pile up along with the messes and growing to-do lists. A helping hand for even the smallest task can go a long way to give someone the boost they need.
Small gifts or care packages. It doesn't need to cost much. Don't underestimate how encouraging something as small as their favorite candy bar or a box of Kleenex (the good kind with the lotion in it) can be. Very recently, I was shopping at Target when a purple wreath caught my eye. I took a picture of it on my phone and posted it on Facebook with this caption:
I want this so bad for Lupus Awareness Month!
Does anyone want to buy it for me?
I was kidding. I thought my silly Facebook pic would be the closest I would get to displaying that wreath. I really wasn't fishing for someone to actually buy it for me. Really! But later that day, a dear friend sent me a long message with beautiful words of encouragement. She ended it with this: "PS - The wreath is ordered and on its way to your home." I happy cried.
Speaking of purple...
Show support for them during awareness days or months. Last May, I asked my friends to wear purple and take selfies for Put On Purple Day and Lupus Awareness Month. Every time I got tagged on a photo, my day got brighter and brighter.
I've mentioned this before, but I'll say it again: Write a thoughtful note or card. It might even become something they treasure!
And now...drumroll please! Here's my very last tip in this series!
10. Ask.
Everyone is different. Words or actions that encourage one person may fail to encourage another. So if you've read my numerous posts on the subject and still feel at a loss, simply ask. If you don't know what to ask, here's a few ideas to get you started:
"How can I encourage you right now?" or "Is there anything I can do for you in addition to praying?" Just being asked lets me know that I am loved and not alone.
Here's the problem: If you want to do something more tangible for me and you ask me questions like this, I will typically draw a blank and say, "I think I'm all good," or "There's probably something but I just can't think of it right now." I'm not trying to be rude. I promise! I'm just really bad at answering questions like this on the spot. So if you want to do more to encourage someone, you might need to be a little more specific...
"Have you eaten? Can I bring you some coffee or any food?"
"Would it be okay if I come over to help you [insert chore or errand]?" For this one, make sure you do it in a way that is gentle. Choose your words and tone carefully so that you don't come across as demanding, demeaning, or intrusive. Also know that the person may initially say "no" when you ask, but they will remember your kindness in offering. And there might be a day when they feel like they have used up the last of their strength, and just knowing you have an offer on the table to help with the dishes may be the lifeline they need.
"Would you like me to help watch your kids tomorrow so that you can take a nap?" I don't have any kids, but I've heard from my friends who are parents that they don't get any sleep. Naps are really great for people with chronic illness, but it can be hard to make them happen. So if you know a parent with a chronic illness, I bet that enabling them to take a nap would make them very happy!
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I hope this post gave you some good ideas. I'm sure that there are a lot of things that I didn't mention. What are some of your ideas? Feel free to leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you!
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